2014

Definitely a fast year indeed. Couldn't believe that it will be 2015 soon and tbh, I thought we would never make it. To sum up my year, here are the summary of each month:

January- Preparation for graduation e.g photo shoot 

February- Mom's birthday and the time that I was betrayed by a friend whom I thought I could trust on.

March- grad ball & graduation

April- dlsucet recon, results, summer bliss, driving school. 

May- Sun and beaches, south korea, first day of college. 

June and July- Talk about stress in school. 

August- Finals and rest

September- DL then the rest.... Nvm

October- The month I realized that I did the things that I promised not to do. 

November- Birth month! Macau with fam.  Then the victor guy. 

December- Of course, Christmas then a month full of driving.

Don't have any new year's resolution, as always 'cause I'm not good at fulfilling  my commitments. Maybe, not losing my composure. Yeah that would be a perfect one to keep in mind. :) Happy new year! Cheers for 2015 x

Criticisms

As a realist, hearing criticisms about yourself is a struggle. Other people would say "Make it as your motivation" "Embrace failures"  can I just say it is fucking difficult to get over with words that have offended you? How can I embrace those when all it makes me is to hate myself more? Fuck it. I'm not here to be pessimistic, but to accept the reality. Criticisms are fucking painful and sadly, there's nothing that you can do to undo the said words. People will always judge you based from your physical assets and attitude, annoying right? I had a post regarding Judgemental People and it's all about my dad side, mostly. My aunts especially. They will do or say all the things that they could to bring us down. Currently taking up Education and I'm not really interested at all so I'm planning to shift.. guess what they said? "Just continue your course nalang kasi in demand ang mga teachers ngayon. Akalain mo 100USD/hour. San ka pa?" I wanted to answer them that they should go back studying in college and take up Educ. too so that they could pursue the job that they labeled as "in demand" rather than persuading a person who in which cases, education is out of her league. I wanted to take business and thank God that I receive grades that I deserve from my hardwork. They think I'm a failure ever since.. perhaps they have mistaken me from my step brother who is a spoiled brat all who does is sitting around, asking money from my dad, and have no stable job at all.

Tbh, do you feel fucking good about yourself? that you have humiliated someone already? satisfied? How immature and insecure you are, miss. Rubbing in my face all the lies that your mouth keeps on blurting about, don't you realize that good manners comes first before educational attainment? Guess you didn't succeed on that, miss. A well-educated yet not well-mannered person like you won't land on a deserving position, miss. As an optimistic would say "Let them be. Do what you want that makes you happy" honestly, it is true. Knowing that these kind of people won't make you any more happier, why complicate life? At the same time, as a realist, their words will definitely leave a mark that would affect my happiness that results to overthinking.

On a serious note, this is life. Every person will be judged. A tip from the realist (keep on saying that lol), words will come to your ear and will affect your feelings, it will lead you to the point of doubting yourself for like a week or a month but eventually, you'll get through it. You'll be all laughing all those silly lies that they keep on blabbering about and be all like "What now? SUCK IT!" Enjoy what you are doing. Ask help from people if it's necessary because come on, there are times that we can't decide on our own, right? That's the cycle: hear. listen. overthink. be better.

Doubts

Credits from tumblr. 

Anyway, all the bullets listed above is technically me. Not trying to ask for attention and shit but I just want to rant about some parts of my magistical life.

As young as 10, my cousins started to pick on me in a humourous-nothing-personal way. You know, for the sake of laughing. I used to swim a lot and it turned out that I have an uneven complexion  up until now. I have the morena complexion. I have insanely weird height and I have a long chin so they often tease me "negra" "kapre" and "baba". There would be a time that they crossed the line so when I answer them back, they'll get mad at me. They just think that I'm a passive person but I have feelings too ya know. That's the time that I realized I'm "pikon". 

I always keep those flaws in mind because it's really annoying to think about crushes and love related shits. I mean me? Really? Uh. Basically, that's the reason why I'm reluctant and have trust issues. It was some time last year that I never really expect that would happen... when your profile picture gets a bunch of likes from unexpected people. The last time I checked, it's for those gorgeous and popular ones. Glad that I did not become egoistic because it's my choice to change it and it's their's if they want to hit that button or not. Doesn't really matter. Also, when people comliments me. I am absolutely skeptical when I receive those. Are these people bullshiting me? Is it supposed to be the opposite? How do I respond?  I always say the same thing to them but in a comparative way and sometimes I just give them some awkward smile as if I heard something foreign. 

For a person who is used to point out his/her flaws like me, it is difficult to adjust to this compliment game. Those bullets are definitely the last thing that I would think or second to the last I guess. Well, sometimes I do but I tend to erase it in my mind 'cause all I feel is nuisance and it's a bit of cliché. People just come and go and if they'll stay, well geez thanks and if not, then fuck you. Kidding. to those who are not then I had a great time with you people and yeah, fuck you all still. 

What college actually feels like

I was recently informed about the release of DLSUCET/DCAT/De La Salle University College Entrance Test results this week and that was sorta the reason why I'm in the mood of making this post. I remember this day last year was the time I am so tensed about all the college exam results. It was Dec 20 2013, when the DLSUCET results was released for the incoming freshmen 2014. I was in pieces after finding out that I wasn't qualified and well, I cried the whole night and didn't come to school the next day and dude, it was an exam week.

Okay this is coming too dramatic, onto the title. To all incoming freshmen who are scared, confused and excited about college, this is for you all. This is of course based from my experience and let us all go down to the part of what thoughts and perceptions you have there about college. Basically, what your parents told you is more like "Your profs doesn't care if you are present or not" "You will chase the prof""college is not as good as high school" "this is the time that you are trained to the field that you desire" and lots more. THEY ARE ALL LIES, well except the second and last one.

• In DLSU, most professors would require attendance and attendance is 10% of your grade, it's better if you value it.
• I have to say that college feels more liberated than high school. Prolly because you are on your on your own and yeah, the smell of freedom. I AM NOT SAYING TO CUT YOUR CLASSES BECAUSE DUDE, IT WILL REFLECT ON YOUR TOR(Transcript Of Records) AND TOR MEANS A LOT TO EVERY COLLEGE STUDENT. It's better to have a clean reputation rather than a reckless, and an unmotivated one. 
• Never ever cram. Always a bad idea. 
• Universities like ADMU, UP and DLSU wherein doesn't require any uniforms, are sometimes good and bad. Good in a way that you choose what you wear, and in the contrary, you waste your time choosing what is more appropriate and awesome to wear. To be honest with you guys, no one cares about what you wear. You don't have to wear uncomfortable apparels  just to impress and you are going to wear it the whole freaking day (depending on your schedule)
• DLSU is often labeled as students who are: conyo, maarte, mayabang, rich kids etc. GUYS THESE ARE GENERALIZATIONS. Yes there are people who are like that because duh, its a university and composed of various types of people. I have to say that I was in your shoes as well *pats your back*, but guess what, there are generous people in there ya know? I have met all kinds of people in this university and yeah there are some that annoys me and some enlightened me. Don't worry too much about people because it is much of a fixed thing in every universities/colleges.
• Being on the dean's list is the greatest thing ever but sadly, there are students who got carried away by it. Some students tend to become like animals just to get into the DL, they even lose friends 'cause they turned out to be aggressive and possessive about it. Tell you what, DL or not, what matter is you passed. Always remember that. 
• Don't stress yourself too much. Stuffs like thesis paper, research paper, projects etc.? Do it ahead of time and I assure you, it will help you a lot. :) 

Okay, you are probably thinking "You didn't passed DLSU but you're giving tips for those incoming freshmen of 2015" I took the reconsideration exam. I cannot bear the feeling of rejection from the university that I really want to get in to. I passed, thank God. Don't feel embarrassed about yourself when you're taking the exam the second time around but rather, feel thankful because you are given another chance to ace this.

I hope these thoughts will help you throughout your college life. There's a silver lining in everything and never forget to pray. Just enjoy but not too much. :) 

Nov 29 2014: A Merry Special Christmas

I attended this christmas party together with children with Down Syndrome. What drag me into this is basically the fact that they are not just children but I want them to remember something really special and vice versa as christmas is approaching. From the start, I am completely shocked myself that I'm going to attend some christmas party with children. To be completely honest and no offense, I never liked children. I grew up with lots and lots of nephews and nieces which I'm not really comfortable with because of their absurd behavior. Also, during our observation and teaching demo in the school that we've been to, uhh hell. 

Before the christmas party, we had an orientation about what is down syndrome, characteristics etc. 

During the christmas party, we are going to adopt one child and be their ate/kuya throughout the program. I'm glad that the number of volunteers are equal to the number of children who attended. The child that I adopted namely, Christian, age 15 and he is such a sweet and cuuuuute boy. He doesn't resist to my hugs, he listens very well.. he is not resistant, in other words.

We have done all the activities there are and finally, eating time. I spoon feed him and I feel like a mother out there. He was quiet and there's no awkwardess during the spoon feeding session. We have bunch of photos in the photobooth and in my phone as well. 

I feel really grateful that I volunteered because I was completely happy and satisfied that I did everything to let these children feel that they are loved. I hope they make more of this kind of program because it is very fulfilling. 

Bio in love

"It is only proven when you observed it with your five senses, a feeling don't count"

That's what my professor said during her lecture. Some sayings to live by when I ever encounter something irrational. Having an assumption about something that you are not quite sure or confused, please, don't. I promise you, you will always end up disappointed.

It's hard to avoid it 

Obviously, it is difficult but we just have to. Be logical, always. As much as you like the person, women, please keep your composure. Wag kang makati jan. That's why I hate being a woman, there are the do's and don'ts when it comes to this kind of well.... bullshit.