2:30

Can't think of a good title because this post ain't a good one. Today, has been a fucked up day. That's the type of day that  has always made me feel so small and weak. Emphasis on the always.

I learned that sometimes my hard work don't pay off. Here's how it goes, the fact that you worked your ass off while the other one is so damn lazy.. the result? You know what it is, the other one turned out to be 'better' than you. You know, I don't mean to judge here or be ignorant, but it's just so unfair. Know that feeling? It's the popularity that matters. Fucking great. Know what matters? Your brain. Use it.

Next, just when your day started to light up, there will always be this tiny little bit sorta crap that turned your day the other way around. Wow. Can't imagine I'm sleeping this all off. Maybe its better that way? Besides, today is over. Over. 

Hope that it is.

Playboys

Aka "fuckboys". If you don't know what this means, then go to google. Kidding. Anyway, these are the type of guys who has a desire for sex instead of romance. They play around with women, fling, not serious at all and somehow the most annoying creatures that ever existed. I already have a clue what these guys do thanks to my two idiot fuckboy brothers. Apps like Tinder or Omegle is a cool place to spot these fools because of strangers and by means of strangers, I mean their targets. Great.

I feeeeeeeeeel really sorry to those who are victimized. Women does NOT, I repeat, NOT deserve to be treated like this. No matter how many times that I sermon my brothers about doing this shit, listening does not exist in their vocabularies. On the contrary, I had an observation about this. I borrowed their phones and read their messages. What infuriates me the most, these girls are actually tolerating this game. They even insist to meet up just to do the 'momol' thing. What in the lying fuck? You girls fucking respect yourself because you don't know where you are putting yourself into. When the fuckboy left you hanging, you'll be all thinking and shit of what you did wrong. Boob. You initiated in the first place! Also, I encourage you to delete the madeffin app because of it's uselessness. 

Trust me, I've been there. After I knew what fuckboys do, I was the one leaving them hanging. I don't text, call but rather, I block them. Thanks to my brothers, they taught me how to control my emotions because to be completely honest, FEELINGS SUCK. Why bother waiting for this to occur? Be heartless when you already know that this guy is abusing your self-respect. 

Aral muna. 

Flaws

Recently, this has been such an ISSUE. Weight, size and complexion. My ears are so fed up with all the "Ang taba mo na. Diet muna" "Oily ng mukha mo" "Bigyan mo ng space, ang laki laki ni Michelle" "Magpaputi ka na ha" okay, people, shut the fuck up. I get it, you don't have to remind me every. single. time. In a bigger picture, it IS annoying to be reminded of your flaws/imperfections because it doesn't really make that person any less conscious about herself. Do you think it motivates them to do what you want them to be? Of course not. Who the fuck are you anyway? And let's face it, there won't be a time that you ever take it under consideration because it fucking haunts you for some reason that you can't even sleep about it. I know that everyone has flaws, we get jealous of other people's features, we wished that we weren't like this, and yada yada. Especially when they compare you to other people as if you're the most hideous person ever. How infuriating right?

Society will always tell us that we should be 45kg, fair complexion, a hot body, fucking go on a surgery just to be what they so called "beautiful". That's what they want, you to have a socially acceptable appearance regardless of your personality. If you want to change yourself, make sure it's FOR YOU. Not for them. Make sure as well that you love what you are doing because it is pointless eitherway. Don't even consider to literally change yourself financially. Don't change what is given to you. Do everything NATURALLY and by natural, I mean EXERCISE, EAT RIGHT, and HYGENIC. Never eat less, never buy medicines that will help you get fit easier, and all those artificials.

The truth hurts, okay, but there is so called "manners" that exists. It IS rude to point out flaws. What am I supposed to do after you tell me that? To instantly do what you want me to do? Do I look like I have time for your rude comment about myself? And if you ever think that using flaws against other people will be your revenge, congratulations, you just prove how idiotic and shallow you are. Pathetic, include that. Fucking use your brain. 

Yes, insecurities is not easy to ignore. But once you accept it, you'll gradually just love yourself more. I have to say, I did started to love myself more but there will always be that point in my life that flaws will just hit me like a truck. I'll overthink, takes time to recover from it, accept and love again. I deal with this issue 4 years ago and I took it personally that it turned into depression. Crappy self, I know. 

To whoever is reading this, this may have been a such dramatic post, if you are dealing with the same issue, always think that you'll be the better version of yourself today than yesterday. You just really have to put yourself out there and make memories! These are mainly the reason why I quit society. Stupid, pathetic and judgemental. Fuck them all!!!!

Reinvent

It took me some time to actually push myself to be better. That's what I want to do, to be better than I was yesterday. Some people won't realize this but today will always be a last so make the best of it. I don't know why I have to comply with what society wants and it really is sad.... and boring. Since that I will have a 3 month vacation, I want to make it productive. Productive in a way that will make me think "It has been three months? Well, it was fast" because staring at my laptop screen, sleeping for number of hours, not doing the things I want to do HAS BEEN MY LIFE FOR SO LONG AND I QUIT. For the past couple of days, I want to get fit. I have to admit, it has been on my mind and quite motivated to do it. No, it's not because people forces me to do this but I want to do this for myself. It's not all about getting fit and show it off so that people would think "Wow, she's so hot!" but rather, aim for it's health benefits. I have seen people who have achieved their body goals and it's fun to be healthy and active. Words <<<<<< actions. 

Brothers

Most people say that being the only girl is a good thing because your brothers will protect you against all odds, like boys and bullies. Help you in every way and blah. 

In my case, it's much of a twist. Both of them are NOT sweet. Don't expect them to be a gentleman, and never will be. Treat me like a princess? More like a prince. They tell me stories as if my sexuality and emotions doesn't matter. Legit. Compliments? NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS. They want me to compliment them which is a pain in the ass. Chores? ALL ON ME. Selfies? Naaaah.  This pretty much sums up my life with them. 

On the good note, there are as well things that I am thankful for their existence. They ask me what is a good gift for their girlfriends and they don't complain about my choice of stuff. I have free access of what guys do on their typical life. We curse a lot but neither of us get offended. 1:10000 chance that they will compliment me, that's the exact ratio. When no one's around to bring me to school, one wake up call is enough. We're open to everything. Each of us are updated to each other's lovelife. Drama ain't our stuff. 

These perks are blessings! No matter how many times I want to strangle them, man, it's dull without their presence. The only perks for being the only girl is that I have my own stuff. They share a room and shoes. The only thing that the three of us can share are t-shirts, it's weird that we have the same sizes. -.-