Tough

I wasn't really expecting that senior life could be this difficult. It is required for us to have an 80 hour parish involvement in which cases we have to complete all the hours until december and fuck I have 75 hours left. I am really not active when church is involved to be completely honest. I don't mean that I'm an anti and I praise God with all my might everytime. If the school could've announced it earlier like last year, then all of us are done. They didn't offered any LSS last year, just this year. Our school policies gotten a lot strict but they are always asking us to pay this and that para daw sa "school" they could've said "WALA NA KAMING PERA" than to keep on collecting money from students who are clueless on where will the money go or something.

091013

Hey guiseeee. No school tomorrow! Much needed break. So we didn't do anything much in school today. Crafting in arts that's all. What made my day was this guy over here named Karl. Yesterday, I asked him to do an arm wrestling with me because I keep on convincing him that I beat my seat mate (not really haha) idk I just thought that he is weak and stuff but hell, he is not. IN JUST 5 SECONDS HE BEAT ME WTF. I know because his a guy bla. The point where he made my day today was the time after lunch, I waved at him then he wanted a high five buuuuut its not a high five its where you guys touch hands then one will do an arm wrestling battle haha. I told him "Wag mo lagyan ng pwersa!"  after he pretended to be weak, I beat him and I smiled yeah yeah too shallow. Speaking about this guy, there's just something with this guy that I just don't quite get. 

One time when we went to Jollibee from my friend's house, he said something weird "Mga tarantado magulang ko eh" I sort of want to take that back from him. It offended me for some reason though they are not my parents. Then one time, he asked who's my prom date and I said "secret" though I don't really have someone to go with.. stupid. I asked who's his prom date then he said he don't know and then I asked him "Sino ba balak mo?" then he said "Si Michelle Tiu balak ko" I pushed him jokingly because idk if its a joke or not. If you are wondering why I remember these scenarios in my head, it is simply because I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD. 

Time to explain

I've been on my other blog and I just want to talk about why I put "Determined to be an optimist" in my description. Tbh, I am a pessimist. Negative thoughts conquered my mind, there's no other thing I can do but to be depressed. This happened when I was 13. All my expectations lead to suicidal. Big word huh? It should be disappointments but it extends beyond that point. I don't know who to trust anymore. I don't know if my friends are true friends. My parents put all the blame on me. I don't have anyone to talk with my problems or even ask "Why are you sad?" no one did. I expected that this whole new level would be great because I'm entering the "teen" age and high school. I expected to have friends wherein you can be completely weird with. I expected that my family will be proud of me. I expected that I have a good relationship with my classmates. All of those things were the opposite. I was bullied, lonely, and depressed. No one cared. It was really painful when no one was there for you when you need help. I just want to die that time. Different scenarios were spinning around my head regarding suicide. I want to kill myself. I don't want to live my life anymore. As time goes by, I was happy that I survived. In my sophomore year, I gained friends. This time, they are the people who you can actually call "real friends". They are the best. My family problems lessened and throughout that year, my pessimist-ness vanished. All I can think of is happiness. Junior year is the stage where  negative thoughts is not a hinder to challenges. I am so glad that it turned out like this. Seriously. I am just thankful and blessed that this events happened in my life.