I cared. Past tense. It's really painful to see people who were once so happy, carefree and willing to give out their love who turned into such a gloomy, frustrated and dull ones. It is difficult for me to ever express myself anymore because in a continuous phase of getting ignored and devalued, who wouldn't? Back then, I always get to believe in second chances regardless of how shitty of what was. I don't want to be harsh. I don't want to misinterpret. Now, at the end of the day, none of it matters anymore. Once I get disregarded, I drop everything I had with them without feeling guilty about it. I never felt this happy. Ever. I used to think that I might have hurt them but I was the one who needs to be healed. Here's an open letter to the ones I have left behind.
Hi you,
I know I have been so cold with my responses or even get to ignore you now. I apologize. I just don't want to be in the submissive position because it makes me sick. I don't like how your dominance takes over. It is as if you have taken away my tongue's purpose. I want to have a say about something. Unfortunately, you never offered me that. You offered me to answer a question for you and be completely objective. I was just like a human Siri, just following orders. The way you make me feel like I have nothing special in me or intellectual enough, are one of many reasons why I quit being there for you. You never valued nor respected me. I have always wanted to help you but I guess, you never wanted it. You wanted to help yourself through your condescending trait. I am vulnerable and you are, too. Don't be afraid. There will be someone to hear you out and will appreciate you despite of your flaws. It's not me.
