Time to explain

I've been on my other blog and I just want to talk about why I put "Determined to be an optimist" in my description. Tbh, I am a pessimist. Negative thoughts conquered my mind, there's no other thing I can do but to be depressed. This happened when I was 13. All my expectations lead to suicidal. Big word huh? It should be disappointments but it extends beyond that point. I don't know who to trust anymore. I don't know if my friends are true friends. My parents put all the blame on me. I don't have anyone to talk with my problems or even ask "Why are you sad?" no one did. I expected that this whole new level would be great because I'm entering the "teen" age and high school. I expected to have friends wherein you can be completely weird with. I expected that my family will be proud of me. I expected that I have a good relationship with my classmates. All of those things were the opposite. I was bullied, lonely, and depressed. No one cared. It was really painful when no one was there for you when you need help. I just want to die that time. Different scenarios were spinning around my head regarding suicide. I want to kill myself. I don't want to live my life anymore. As time goes by, I was happy that I survived. In my sophomore year, I gained friends. This time, they are the people who you can actually call "real friends". They are the best. My family problems lessened and throughout that year, my pessimist-ness vanished. All I can think of is happiness. Junior year is the stage where  negative thoughts is not a hinder to challenges. I am so glad that it turned out like this. Seriously. I am just thankful and blessed that this events happened in my life.